I am the Ruler of the day and night. In the darkness, I creep. I find my prey: Little pink, hairless paws.
Category: Humour
The Day My Plant Came To Life
It was a normal Tuesday like any other. Here I was, sitting on the couch in my upstairs room, sipping a black coffee and absorbing that rare ray of Welsh sunlight spilling in through the window – when the ficus bonsai tree perched on my sill began to move. It was subtle at first. I…
Two Sisters, Three Rabbits, and a Beefcake
“Captain! Captain!” The young sailor burst from below decks and ran to the helm, their cap clasped to their chest as they recovered their breath.
“Percival. What is it this time?”
The sailor had gone white as an animated corpse. “The rabbits, Captain! They… They’ve escaped their cages!”
Dave at the End of the World
Apocalypses didn’t happen every day, but once they got started, they had this annoying habit of going about their business.
Those who exercised reasoning were the first to go, followed by fans of survival shows (they believed they understood the wilderness, having never left the confines of their paved-and-plastered twenty-fourth-floor apartments and most ended up eating the wrong type of mushroom in the first week). The hoarders did all right, at least for the first while. And the jerks? They made it all the way to the end, because nature loved adding a thorn to a rose bush. It turned out that at the end of the world, those CEOs who couldn’t convert a Word document into a PDF did just fine in a dog-eat-dog-eat-rat-eat-human society.
Creature in Crocs
A Shel Silverstein-inspired poem about a weird creature who likes to wear crocs.
The Reluctant Mentor – Sneak Peek
Prologue: Another Bloody Chosen One Athragast stood on the stoop of a rickety farmhouse and steeled himself for yet another monotonous, destiny-fulfilling day. Wizards of his standing always got the worst jobs. He leaned toward the woodworm-inflicted door and tapped the end of his staff just above the knob; any more force might throw the…
Alien Tenant
“You’re a strange creature!”
The alien said
as he dropped from the sky
to land on my head.
Beautiful
Verdant greens that smell so sweet,
in summer air ‘neath cloudless heat…
Smell
Banana peels and pumpkin guts,
And rotted eggs that smell like butts;
Mushy mushrooms and moldy bread,
A hairy, slimy, lettuce head.
Melted trash in a noonday sun,
Microwave tuna overdone;
Steamed spinach and expired stew,
That’s what you smell like through and through.
Sometimes I Feel Bad About
Sometimes I Feel Bad About: a poem about little mistakes.