I once met a gnome
who lived in a jar
and he told me a tale
of his travels “afar”.
“But how did you travel?”
I asked rather bravely.
“I travelled with books!
that’s the cheap way!” he stated.
“Why, that is not travel,
not travel at all!”
And I laughed and laughed
while he stared, quite appalled.
“Oh, my rather dumb human,
how thick can you be?
If you’d bothered to read
then you’d see. Oh, you’d see!
“I’ve seen the vast oceans
through words on a page,
I’ve fought all sorts of monsters,
been a soldier, a mage!
“I’ve battled my demons
both real and imagined,
and shed many tears
like it all truly happened.
“I’ve climbed atop mountains,
I’ve dived greatest depths,
I’ve kissed, loved and hated,
I’ve walked eight million steps!
“Have YOU done these things?”
Cried the gnome rather shrilly.
“I have not,” replied I,
“Nor have you. No, not really.”
The gnome shook his head
and with great disappointment
said, “you dimwitted fool.
You know no excitement!”
Now I crossed my arms
and got rather mad.
“Fine,” I relented,
“though it sounds rather drab.”
And feeling he’d won,
he tapped on the glass
and said, “there, it’s not hard
to admit you’re an ass!”
